It Gets Better

I used to be that mom. The one in denial. The mom that looked at other moms with contempt and whispered, "Do you see her? Seriously, what is she thinking?" I couldn't see that she was me. I didn't want to believe that her struggles were the same as mine. The truth is, we've all been "there" at one point or another as parents. I say "parents" because moms aren't the only ones who have a hard time. Dads don't often get the credit they deserve for putting up with the amount of crap they do.

My kids are older now. Old enough to know better. Old enough to not throw tantrums anymore. Old enough to pour their own cereal and tie their own shoes. My kids are not perfect, oh no. Not by any means. But they are no longer the toddlers they once were.

I saw myself the other day in the checkout line. T-shirt and dirty jeans. Hair in a messy half-up, half-fallen down pony. Exhausted but still smiling. She had one child riding in the cart and the other "helping" her push the cart. The older one was whining, "Pleeeeease, Mommy! Can I have...?" The toddler in the basket was crying, blankie in hand, sippy cup on the floor. And I thought, Hang in there, Momma. It gets better.
Then I heard it: the not-so-quiet whisper.

-"Someone can't control her kids."
-"Mmhmm. Wonder where their daddy is?"
-"I dunno, but those kids need a firm hand, that's for sure."

Mmm.

Wow.

I can't tell you how many times I've heard the same lines over and over. Older generations, younger generations. Everyone does it. Everyone knows the "best" way to care for a child, discipline a child, soothe a child. What we fail to recognize is how different each child can be. What works for yours might not work for mine and vice versa. If you have children, you know how exhausting life can be when you're at wit's end and down to your last package of diapers. Does anyone want to go shopping with a young child in tow? Lord, no. But it becomes a necessary evil in those moments. So, we drag ourselves away from the piles of laundry and hunt down our car keys, then rush to the store, thinking, We'll only be a few minutes. I just need to pick up some x, y, z. And we almost always end up at home afterwards, collapsing onto the couch after carefully setting down the sleeping baby in the car seat, and remember, Crap. We're nearly out of baby wipes. 

So I walked over to the mom in the checkout line, handed her the dropped sippy cup, smiled and said, "What beautiful kids! You're doing a great job. Keep it up." She mouthed a thank-you, and smiled back as if my non-judgment meant the world to her. 

Ten things I've learned from my kids

My kids have taught me a lot about life and how to deal with certain situations. My guess is, even those of you without kids will enjoy these jewels of wisdom!

1. It's never too early for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
2. Spill your drink on the table? No problem.. that's what straws are for.
3. Don't sweat the small stuff. Lose a sock in the McDonald's play place? Eh, at least we still have our shoes this time.
4. Adopt a new mantra: "Dirt washes off. Dirt washes off."
5. When life gives you lemons, hit them with a big green bat!
6. Be prepared for anything. (A few items I make sure to have in my purse at all times: pens, paper, band-aids, Hotwheels cars, small toys, gum or candy, hand sanitizer, tissues, coins... My purse is not my own.)
7. Coffee is a must for a tired Mom.
8. Coffee + two year olds, not so great.
9. When someone steals something from you, the best thing to do is scream your head off.
10. If all is quiet, either someone is asleep or someone is making a mess.

The Dirty Truth About Getting Clean

Bath time is always the same for a two year old.

It starts with the water (of course).
"That's not enough water!"
"It's too hot!"
"Now it's too cold!"

Next, the toys are added. As I'm tossing in the last few, I usually hear, "Where are the bubbles? Can I have bubbles?" Of course. Now that I've filled the tub to your specifications, you want bubbles. We're out of bubbles right now, Sweetie. Maybe next time, ok? Here. Have another toy.


After a few minutes of playtime, there's a splash or two and my jeans are wet. *Sigh.*

Mumbling something about keeping the water inside, I draw the curtains closed in hopes of minimizing the mess, which halfway works. It keeps the far half of the bathroom dry.

Then comes the most awful, terrifying, HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?! part:

The Washing.

Hair always comes first. I squeeze a small amount of shampoo onto his head. "NOOOO!!!!!" is the only sound audible for the next two minutes, as I chase him around the tub with my hands, scrubbing here and there whenever I catch him. But that's not the worst part.

Then we rinse.

I grab the nearest cup or empty squirt toy and fill it with water. He retaliates with a splash, but I'm quick! I shield with my left and squirt with my right, and - GOTCHA!


He screams.
"It's in my eye!
I need a towel!!
Hurry!
I need a towel for my eye!"

Oh my. Must hurry. The acidic water is going to eat through his eyes and into his brain (!). I know you can sense the worry I'm feeling.

After three or four rounds of this, it is now time to bathe my child. One might ask, "Why? What's the point? With all of the shampoo and water flying around, certainly the rest of him is clean!" But oh, no, my friend. I will not give in. I am going to win this battle! - Nay, this WAR!

More screaming ensues. Armed with a washcloth full of kids' body wash, I wrestle with my son until I grab an appendage - sometimes an arm, sometimes a leg - and scrub as quickly as I can, switching to a different appendage or body part faster than Superman can fly. YES! It's over. Of course, there's no real need to rinse due to all of the thrashing about in the tub.

He practices his "swimming" while I towel myself off.

I look at myself in the mirror. My bottom half is soaked and my top half looks as though I've just been through a windstorm. How glamorous.

I just love the feeling of wet jeans. Don't you?

Blurring the Lines Again

As we all know, last month was Black History month. It was also a month filled with learning for my kindergartener. She learned about several presidents, including our current one (and his dog). I am very proud that she's learning so much about our country and the people who have made this land great. But one thing concerns me.

Before February, my daughter was colorblind. I don't mean in the literal "she can't tell the difference between orange and green" colorblindness. I mean racially colorblind. She knew that people have different skin colors and we've taught her that everyone is unique. But we have never discussed race in our house. And hadn't planned on it.

One day my five year old came home and said, "Mom, I'm glad I'm white."

WHAT?!?!

Of course, this facilitated a (calm) discussion in which she proceeded to tell me that they learned about Martin Luther King, Jr and how he was shot "because he was black." She then told me that she looked around at the students in her class and "felt sorry for the black ones." I explained to her in the best way I could about the way things were and the way things are now. I also explained to her that it's ok to be proud of who you are, but that she needs to also realize that we are all equal, no matter if we are brown, black, blue, or green. She seemed to understand.

We've had a couple of conversations since, and each time I have reminded her about equality and loving others.

I just hope she continues to see everyone as equal. As things are right now, she still plays with all kids of all races, genders and abilities. Please let her continue this way of thinking all of her life, blurring the lines and breaking the social boundaries that have been set up by our predecessors. I would hate for her heart to be changed by the views of people she meets.

The Play-doh Saga

I'm a mommy.  I play peek-a-boo games with my son and dress-up with my daughter. It's hard to do these things on days when Mommy is sick or not feeling well.  Today has been one of those days.  Every now and then, for some unknown reason, I have a spell of vertigo.  I get dizzy and nauseated at even the slightest movement.  Today it started at 10am and finally stopped after I decided to take a nap with the kids.  When I woke up at 2pm I wasn't dizzy or nauseated anymore (thankfully), but had instead (and still have) a headache and heart palpitations.  Nice.  Insert my daughter, H.

H has been asking me all day if she can play with play-doh.  Play-doh for me is one of the worst kids toy inventions ever.  I have a plastic drop cloth that the kids are supposed to sit on while they play with it.  They sit and play on the drop cloth for about five minutes, and then slowly the play-doh makes its way across the carpet (which is/was shag carpeting in our new place).  The play-doh then gets stepped on and sat on and squashed into the carpet and all over socks, pants, and - yes - hair.  Today of all days I do not feel like cleaning up this stuff.

So I tried to break it to her gently the first time she asked me today.  "Mommy isn't feeling well, Sweetie. Maybe we can play with the play-doh tomorrow."  Not good enough.  About an hour later, I got the same question, followed by a promise to help clean up the mess.  A valiant offer, indeed.  But unfortunately, her clean-up efforts always fall a bit short, leaving Mom to pick through the carpet. 

Nap time came and left, and I had briefly forgotten about the play-doh.  H hadn't.  Once again, she pleaded with me. "Mom, can I please play with play-doh now?  I'll be good, and I'll vacuum after.  I love to vacuum!" 

Sigh.

I felt sorry for her, really.  But I was not about to give in on this one.  "Not today.  I still don't feel well, Bug.  I'm sorry.  Maybe tomorrow I'll feel better and we can play with it then."  Apparently three no's to a five year old means "Ask me again later. I might say yes."  So she waited a few minutes and angrily bombarded me with questions of "Why" and "Why not?".  Instead of answering her questions, I asked her a question of my own.  "Don't you care that Mommy doesn't feel well?"  And she answered completely opposite from what I expected to hear. "Well, no. I don't."  WHAT?!  How is it possible that my sweet little angel doesn't care about my well-being?  She doesn't care?


After a little talk about feelings ("Well, how would you feel if So-and-so was sick?"), I realized that my daughter can empathize with others, she was just upset with me.  And after her outlash of anger on me, I decided she wouldn't be playing with play-doh for a week.  She cried for about two minutes, then began playing with her zhu-zhu pets. 

Ah, kids.

What happens next?

I'm sitting here with my almost-two-year-old, who just woke up from his nap.  He almost always wakes up before his sister, which allows us to enjoy a few minutes of mom and son time in the afternoons.  Today, he asked for some "choo-choos" (fruit chews), and as he shoved the first one in his mouth he said "I wan Me-Mouse, Mom."  Firstly, I'd like to note how big he sounds to me when he calls me "Mom" instead of "Mama" or "Mommy."  I rarely get called those last two any more - unless someone's hurt or there's something wrong.  Secondly, for those who may not know, "Me-Mouse" is "Mickey Mouse" in toddler speak.  C has been talking a lot about his Mickey Mouse movie over the past few days.  So, I put in the dvd and he asks, "What's that, Mom?" I show him the case.  "Me-Mouse?!  I rike that, Mom!" (as if he didn't just ask me to put it in.) As soon as the menu screen shows up with Mickey and his pals, I hear him say "Yay! Me-Mouse!" (again, as if he expected something else?) and he is instantly sucked into tv land.  Apparently the sound of Mickey and his friends has lured H out of her room now, because I hear her behind me, trying to "surprise" me.  Of course, I already heard her not only open the bedroom door but tiptoe down the creaky hallway.  I turn around. "Boo!  Ha.. I scared you, didn't I?" she says.  I nod. "YES, you got me." 

I love spending this time with my kids.  They say and do things that both astonish and amuse me every day.  But I've been thinking lately about my future in terms of my career.  What do I want to do?  What do I want to do when the kids start school?  When they get older?  When they go off to college?  So far, I'm not 100% sure of that answer.  I used to have (and a large part of me still does have) the drive to be a nurse, and nothing but a nurse.  Not just a nurse, but an OR (operating room) nurse.  I've spent a pretty fair chunk of my and my parents' money (sorry, Mom and Dad!) and numerous semesters and course hours toward this goal.  It's something I could definitely see myself doing later in life.  But right now, I don't think I'm disciplined enough to be a nurse.  I don't think I'm quite ready for the long hours and the physical and emotional stress involved.  I do long to help people, and I want to do something in the medical field.  But what?  I've thought about getting certified to be a CNA (nurse's aid) after the kids go to school.  It would allow me to work in a hospital setting while getting one-on-one interaction with patients, minus the long hours and with less stress.  I've also thought about just staying at home for a while longer so my kids don't have to come home to an empty house or a babysitter.  That is, of course, if my husband's patience lasts and if our financial situation remains stable on on one income.  I'm not entirely sure what I want to do just yet.  But I'm sure as time goes on and as our lives change and grow, what I'm supposed to do will become more clear to me.  Until then I'm just praying and breathing and reminding myself to enjoy these sweet moments with my kids.  After all, one day soon they won't be so little anymore.

Sea Monkeys

Yesterday was our family day.  We played at Pump It Up and went to the mall to stroll around.  Then we went out to eat at Famous Dave's and Hubby decided it would be nice to get H a little gift on the way home last night. Sea Monkeys. I never had sea monkeys as a kid, and don't know much about them, so I googled them. Have you seen what a fully-grown "sea monkey" looks like?? They're not pretty. They actually kinda remind me of silverfish, which grosses me out!  Here's what the adult sea monkey is supposed to look like:

Gross, right? They look nothing like the cute little drawings on the box. 

So, I'm thinking, "What are these things, exactly?"  I mean, all we know is that they are easy to grow on your own.  They eat some kind of special fish food that comes with the kit.  Then what? How long do they live? According to the website, they have been scientifically engineered to live "longer than ever before" - approx. 2 yrs.  I don't know if I want to take care of some weird alien-bug for two years.  H is all excited about it, though. So that's cool.  I just hope she doesn't get weirded out by them.  I just hope I don't get weirded out by them!  Because I'm sure I'll be the one taking care of these things. 

Well, we prepped the tank this morning, so tomorrow we will add the eggs and sometime within the next week we should have baby sea monkeys swimming around.  I'll be sure to post pics as we go!  Wish us luck!

Growing Pains

Today, my baby boy transitioned from a crib to a toddler bed. I am so proud! Hubby put the bed together this morning and C was able to sleep in it at naptime. He was very excited about it, and did surprisingly well both at naptime and at bedtime. I use the sit in method (from one of those "Nanny" shows) and it took a grand total of only 20 mins for him to fall asleep at nap and 15 mins tonight at bedtime. I only had to lay him back down about three times. I was very impressed with him.

My daughter seemed just as excited as C was about his new bed. I actually had to calm her down before both nap and bedtime tonight. With the two of them sharing a room, I figured things would be quite crazy at this point, but surprisingly it's not. They're getting so big. I can't believe they're going to be turning 5 and 2 soon.

H's birthday is next month, so we've been asked for a list of what she wants. Gigi (my mom) suggested we let her look online at a toy website and write down all of the things she would like to have. So we went to toysrus.com and let H browse the pages (category: age 5-7, subcategory: girls). I have a list so far just shy of 30 items. I think we have enough.

My furbaby, Onyx, is getting big too. She's seven months old now and probably just shy of her full size. She still has a lot of kitten in her, so she's very mischievous. There have been several times in the past week or so that she's gotten out when we've come in or out of the house. She's not "fixed" yet, so we don't really want to let her outside just yet. She's also very intrigued by water, and will make a mess in the toilet, sink, etc at any chance she gets. Just a bit earlier tonight I heard a crash coming from our bedroom, and found that she had knocked the top of the gerbil cage off. Luckily only the top came off, and Scamper is doing fine.

Hubbs and I are planning to get her fixed soon and hopefully that will help with some of the mischief. Overall, she really is a sweet cat. She's cuddling with me right now as I type. She loves to play and cuddle with the kids, too - as long as they're nice to her. I guess she understands somehow that they are little like she is.

All three of my "babies" are getting bigger. And the best part? I don't have to sit back and watch. I get to be a part of it. I can't wait to see what happens next.

Here a Tooth, There a Tooth...

Molars. They're necessary for chewing, of course. But what a pain! Literally! For the past couple of days my son has been cranky, throwing things, barely eating, and very much wanting to be held by Mommy. It dawned on me this afternoon that he must be getting his molars. He's nearly 21 mos, so it's about that time. I even felt around in his mouth a bit and he said "ouch!" as my finger ran across his gums. Nice. I feel so sorry for him... especially when he tells me "I hongry, Mama! I want!" I know he's hungry, but eating hurts right now so he ends up only taking a couple of bites, if any. I read about these "teething tablets" that dissolve in the kid's mouth and relieve the pain. I wonder if they're any good? They're supposedly all-natural, which translates to "costs an arm and a leg." Anyone have any experience with these? It's been about three years since I've had to deal with this. I feel like such a noob! *Sigh* Well, here's hoping that the crankies end soon!

Loving My Child in the Mess

Babies are sweet, and each one is a miracle. A woman spends nine months wondering what her baby will be like and anticipating holding him. The day comes when he is born, and she feels overwhelmed with love for him. And then one day she wakes up and realizes that her life now revolves around... poop. Does the baby poop too much? Or is he constipated? And later still, when the baby becomes a toddler, she enters his room only to discover that once again her precious child has decided to smear his poop all over himself, the crib, and the wall.

This is how I feel today. Like my life now revolves around poop. My son has decided that poop = paint. So one can only imagine the fun times I've had as of late. It seems that no matter what I do differently, at least once a day I am cleaning up his "artwork" that inevitably comes in one form or another. Ah, the life of a stay at home mom. But as I was saying to my husband, it's all worth it. Even if I'm cleaning up poop every day, at least I get the chance to stay home with my kids, loving on them and teaching them.

I get to teach them patience, because apparently that is one of the lessons God is wanting me to learn. I teach them manners ("No yelling inside. What do you say? Don't bite your sister!"). I teach them love. To me, love is the most important. I must be somewhat of a decent teacher, because my kids really do seem to love each other. So, I remind myself, amidst the arguing kids and the "paint removal" resides a sweet family that I wouldn't trade for the world.

What to do?

Ruined Slumbers
Well, here I am again with a grumpy toddler at naptime. I'm starting to believe that our apartment staff knows my children's nap schedule and decides to do lawn care during those times at least once a week. Of course, as soon as nap time is over, lawn care ceases. How frustrating! Maybe I can build a sound-proof room for naps? And the kids aren't the only ones missing out on their sleep. Hubby and I have been tossing and turning 'most every night since we've moved (well, more him than me). I'm sure some of the restless nights are due to stress, but we're beginning to think that maybe he has a touch of insomnia? Looking into buying melatonin. Hopefully the all natural sleep aid will help.

Pet Woes
I'm not sure what to do with our gerbils. One of them has an open sore on her belly that just isn't healing. It's been there for at least a couple of weeks, if not longer. Some days she seems fine - up running around, eating, drinking, etc. - and other days she just rests and seems sickly. Her sister gerbil is doing well. We haven't seen any sores on her or noticed strange/sick behavior. But last night, I watched for a few minutes as Scurry (the sick gerbil) closed her eyes took in labored breaths while Scamper sat nervously beside her. Scamper knows something is up.

Dark Thoughts
The life span of a gerbil is 3-5 years, and we bought the two gerbils together almost three years ago. So, we don't expect them to live much longer. Hubbs has suggested we just let them go outside. But I'm sure they would be attacked almost immediately by one of the neighbors' cats. The only person who shows any remote interest in them anymore is C, and I highly doubt he would miss them terribly if they were gone. H will occasionally ask to play with them or feed them, etc. But mostly she has nothing to do with them. Basically, and I can't believe I'm saying this, we're just waiting for them to die. They are very sweet pets, and I know it sounds awful, but we just can't give them the attention they need and deserve - medical or otherwise. So, my question is, What should we do with them? Just continue to take care of them and see what happens? Let them go somewhere and hope they survive? I'm not sure. I am sure, however, that if something isn't done soon, Onyx will find a way to get the cage open. She has already discovered how to jump to the top of the bookshelf where the gerbils reside. I'm waiting for the morning we wake up and find two gerbil carcasses outside of the bedroom door.

Family Time

It won't be long now. My son is showing early signs of potty training readiness. He brings me diapers when he needs to be changed and takes off his diaper when it's soiled or wet; not every time, but it's becoming more frequent. I don't want to push him into it, so we're going to wait until he's truly ready before we give potty training a try.

On another note, we had some great family time last night! Hubby and I took the kids to a corn maze and got lost in the corn for about an hour. Our daughter loved it! She wanted to lead, but kept taking us in circles. :) C, on the other hand, was afraid of the corn. He was carried most of the time because when we put him down he didn't walk too far before getting scared again. And since he was scared, he didn't want Daddy to hold him; he wanted Mommy. So Mommy got a great little workout carrying a 25 lb toddler for an hour! Ha ha..

After the maze we decided to go out to eat at Red Robin (Yum!). This was the kids' chance to redeem themselves for the past few times of being awful at a restaurant. After explaining to H the do's and don'ts of restaurant behavior, we actually had a pleasant experience. Toward the end C got bored and started to yell a bit, but overall the kids did very well. Hubbs and I were so impressed we decided to take them out for ice cream after dinner.

Later, once kids were in bed, I had some quality Wii time with Hubby, beating him at least twice in ping pong (he beat me in everything else). We stayed up for awhile laughing until our heads hurt (literally)! I love those moments. :) And I love days like yesterday, when we all get to spend some quality time together as a family. I can't wait till Hubby's next day off so we can hang out and laugh with him some more.

The Joys of Children

For some reason, every time I vacuum this apartment, everyone goes nuts! I can understand why the cat does. I mean, she's 8 weeks old and our big mean vacuum cleaner is threatening to eat her (rather loudly, might I add). So she hisses and cries at it while arching her back from the top of the couch. Meanwhile, my oldest is literally running and hopping and hiding all over the place. She isn't afraid of the thing, she just likes to do it. I asked her, "Why are you running around like a monkey?" Her response? "Because I like to be a monkey!" Of course. And then here comes C, always the helper. He's not only intrigued by the vacuum, but wants to help Mommy hold the cord, unplugging it in the process. Mind you, we are on the second floor of this apartment so if there are any neighbors below us, they most certainly don't like us.

On another topic, we almost had a dead kitten on our hands last night. I sent the kids to clean their room while I cleaned up things in the rest of the apartment, and after about 20 minutes out comes  our daughter, H, followed by our 8 week old kitten, who is limping. Great. It turns out she was throwing the poor thing into the air and attempting to catch it. Well, she missed. I was livid. I calmly but firmly explained the severity of the situation, then decided some time-out with her face to the wall would suffice until Daddy came home.

When he came home, daddy had a good long talk with her about the proper way to handle the cat and by the time he was through (10-15 mins later) she felt so guilty about it that we decided an early bed time, the talk, and the time-out were punishment enough. The talk must have sunk in, because all day today she told me how sorry she was and that it was the worst thing she'd ever done. :(

Onyx is doing just fine. She's been running and walking with no limp all day. She's staying clear of the kids' room for now, and just within the past hour or so has been playing with H's feet. I've told H to sit and let the kitty come to her instead of her trying to pet/play with the kitty, and it seems to be working.

As I'm typing this, H is trying to play Wii fit and C is trying to push her off the board, so it looks like I've gotta run!