Saturday, June 4, 2011

Ten things I've learned from my kids

My kids have taught me a lot about life and how to deal with certain situations. My guess is, even those of you without kids will enjoy these jewels of wisdom!

1. It's never too early for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
2. Spill your drink on the table? No problem.. that's what straws are for.
3. Don't sweat the small stuff. Lose a sock in the McDonald's play place? Eh, at least we still have our shoes this time.
4. Adopt a new mantra: "Dirt washes off. Dirt washes off."
5. When life gives you lemons, hit them with a big green bat!
6. Be prepared for anything. (A few items I make sure to have in my purse at all times: pens, paper, band-aids, Hotwheels cars, small toys, gum or candy, hand sanitizer, tissues, coins... My purse is not my own.)
7. Coffee is a must for a tired Mom.
8. Coffee + two year olds, not so great.
9. When someone steals something from you, the best thing to do is scream your head off.
10. If all is quiet, either someone is asleep or someone is making a mess.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

The Dirty Truth About Getting Clean

Bath time is always the same for a two year old.

It starts with the water (of course).
"That's not enough water!"
"It's too hot!"
"Now it's too cold!"

Next, the toys are added. As I'm tossing in the last few, I usually hear, "Where are the bubbles? Can I have bubbles?" Of course. Now that I've filled the tub to your specifications, you want bubbles. We're out of bubbles right now, Sweetie. Maybe next time, ok? Here. Have another toy.

After a few minutes of playtime, there's a splash or two and my jeans are wet. *Sigh.*

Mumbling something about keeping the water inside, I draw the curtains closed in hopes of minimizing the mess, which halfway works. It keeps the far half of the bathroom dry.

Then comes the most awful, terrifying, HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?! part:

The Washing.

Hair always comes first. I squeeze a small amount of shampoo onto his head. "NOOOO!!!!!" is the only sound audible for the next two minutes, as I chase him around the tub with my hands, scrubbing here and there whenever I catch him. But that's not the worst part.

Then we rinse.

I grab the nearest cup or empty squirt toy and fill it with water. He retaliates with a splash, but I'm quick! I shield with my left and squirt with my right, and - GOTCHA!

He screams.
"It's in my eye!
I need a towel!!
I need a towel for my eye!"

Oh my. Must hurry. The acidic water is going to eat through his eyes and into his brain (!). I know you can sense the worry I'm feeling.

After three or four rounds of this, it is now time to bathe my child. One might ask, "Why? What's the point? With all of the shampoo and water flying around, certainly the rest of him is clean!" But oh, no, my friend. I will not give in. I am going to win this battle! - Nay, this WAR!

More screaming ensues. Armed with a washcloth full of kids' body wash, I wrestle with my son until I grab an appendage - sometimes an arm, sometimes a leg - and scrub as quickly as I can, switching to a different appendage or body part faster than Superman can fly. YES! It's over. Of course, there's no real need to rinse due to all of the thrashing about in the tub.

He practices his "swimming" while I towel myself off.

I look at myself in the mirror. My bottom half is soaked and my top half looks as though I've just been through a windstorm. How glamorous.

I just love the feeling of wet jeans. Don't you?

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Blurring the Lines Again

As we all know, last month was Black History month. It was also a month filled with learning for my kindergartener. She learned about several presidents, including our current one (and his dog). I am very proud that she's learning so much about our country and the people who have made this land great. But one thing concerns me.

Before February, my daughter was colorblind. I don't mean in the literal "she can't tell the difference between orange and green" colorblindness. I mean racially colorblind. She knew that people have different skin colors and we've taught her that everyone is unique. But we have never discussed race in our house. And hadn't planned on it.

One day my five year old came home and said, "Mom, I'm glad I'm white."


Of course, this facilitated a (calm) discussion in which she proceeded to tell me that they learned about Martin Luther King, Jr and how he was shot "because he was black." She then told me that she looked around at the students in her class and "felt sorry for the black ones." I explained to her in the best way I could about the way things were and the way things are now. I also explained to her that it's ok to be proud of who you are, but that she needs to also realize that we are all equal, no matter if we are brown, black, blue, or green. She seemed to understand.

We've had a couple of conversations since, and each time I have reminded her about equality and loving others.

I just hope she continues to see everyone as equal. As things are right now, she still plays with all kids of all races, genders and abilities. Please let her continue this way of thinking all of her life, blurring the lines and breaking the social boundaries that have been set up by our predecessors. I would hate for her heart to be changed by the views of people she meets.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Ode to a Chin Hair

Thick. Black. Ominous.
Why do you taunt me
With your regeneration?
Oh evil blade of filth,
You disgust me.
All alone you stand
Proud and tall
But you are an army of one
Against my forceps of steel.
You cannot survive.
Yet, even as I defeat you,
I can hear your dreadful reply:
"I'll be back."

What's Your Policy? (or: "Bathroom Business")

I was sifting through my blog reading list, and one particular post inspired me. In it, the blogger states that she and her hubbs have a strictly "closed door" policy when it comes to bathroom business. You know, they don't see each other shaving, pulling up the panty hose, etc., in hopes of keeping the mystery and romance alive. It got me thinking..

I grew up in a very open-door, "Hey, who dealt that one?!" kind of household (Except for number 2's. Please keep the door closed for that. Really. No one wants to smell that!). For awhile there, we had five people sharing one small bathroom. We all knew each other's business. So, I never really thought twice about it after marrying my best friend and high school sweetheart. I figured, hey, no big deal. Everybody poops! If I have tummy troubles, he knows about it. He's seen me shave, blow my nose, pluck my brows. If I really have to fart, I fart. Even if he's sitting right next to me on the couch. Hey, what better way to feel close to your partner?

My hubby, on the other hand, didn't fart around me at all until about 2-3 yrs into our marriage. Not sure why? Now, he does it all the time. Especially since we have a son. They have contests and fart wars. My son will pass gas and tell you it smells like "white berries" (whatever the heck that is?!). Ahh, the world of bodily functions. It took me awhile to get my daughter (almost 6 yrs now) to stay out of the bathroom when I have certain movements. Still no luck with the boy. He doesn't care what you're doing in there, if the door's unlocked, he's coming in!

So, I say all of that to let you know, the hubbs and I have been married for 5 and a half yrs now, dated for 4 yrs before that. We have an open door policy, and are doing just fine in the romance department. What's your bathroom policy? Do you keep things under wraps? Has your partner seen the "real" you?