Tuesday, May 11, 2010

What happens next?

I'm sitting here with my almost-two-year-old, who just woke up from his nap.  He almost always wakes up before his sister, which allows us to enjoy a few minutes of mom and son time in the afternoons.  Today, he asked for some "choo-choos" (fruit chews), and as he shoved the first one in his mouth he said "I wan Me-Mouse, Mom."  Firstly, I'd like to note how big he sounds to me when he calls me "Mom" instead of "Mama" or "Mommy."  I rarely get called those last two any more - unless someone's hurt or there's something wrong.  Secondly, for those who may not know, "Me-Mouse" is "Mickey Mouse" in toddler speak.  C has been talking a lot about his Mickey Mouse movie over the past few days.  So, I put in the dvd and he asks, "What's that, Mom?" I show him the case.  "Me-Mouse?!  I rike that, Mom!" (as if he didn't just ask me to put it in.) As soon as the menu screen shows up with Mickey and his pals, I hear him say "Yay! Me-Mouse!" (again, as if he expected something else?) and he is instantly sucked into tv land.  Apparently the sound of Mickey and his friends has lured H out of her room now, because I hear her behind me, trying to "surprise" me.  Of course, I already heard her not only open the bedroom door but tiptoe down the creaky hallway.  I turn around. "Boo!  Ha.. I scared you, didn't I?" she says.  I nod. "YES, you got me." 

I love spending this time with my kids.  They say and do things that both astonish and amuse me every day.  But I've been thinking lately about my future in terms of my career.  What do I want to do?  What do I want to do when the kids start school?  When they get older?  When they go off to college?  So far, I'm not 100% sure of that answer.  I used to have (and a large part of me still does have) the drive to be a nurse, and nothing but a nurse.  Not just a nurse, but an OR (operating room) nurse.  I've spent a pretty fair chunk of my and my parents' money (sorry, Mom and Dad!) and numerous semesters and course hours toward this goal.  It's something I could definitely see myself doing later in life.  But right now, I don't think I'm disciplined enough to be a nurse.  I don't think I'm quite ready for the long hours and the physical and emotional stress involved.  I do long to help people, and I want to do something in the medical field.  But what?  I've thought about getting certified to be a CNA (nurse's aid) after the kids go to school.  It would allow me to work in a hospital setting while getting one-on-one interaction with patients, minus the long hours and with less stress.  I've also thought about just staying at home for a while longer so my kids don't have to come home to an empty house or a babysitter.  That is, of course, if my husband's patience lasts and if our financial situation remains stable on on one income.  I'm not entirely sure what I want to do just yet.  But I'm sure as time goes on and as our lives change and grow, what I'm supposed to do will become more clear to me.  Until then I'm just praying and breathing and reminding myself to enjoy these sweet moments with my kids.  After all, one day soon they won't be so little anymore.

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